We love to read novels that feature realistic and heartfelt conversations. So, as writers, how do we make sure those conversations are genuine and interesting enough to keep readers invested? Listed below are three tips that may help! Each character should have a unique voiceMake sure each character’s word choice and perspective represent their specific background and culture. Someone who grew up poor in Louisiana is going to speak differently from someone who grew up in wealthy in Manhattan, New York. Each character's voice should be so strong that readers can tell who is speaking, without even seeing the tag. Avoid dumping backstory into conversationsDialogue is not a great time to tell the audience all about the novel's backstory. While it’s okay to pepper a little bit of backstory into conversation here and there, the majority of the dialogue should be future-focused. This helps to keep the story moving forward. That said, there are occasions when moving forward requires taking a deep dive into the past. These can be approached creativly. Perhaps a section of the book can be entitled "Twenty Years Ago" and take the reader back in time by literally putting them in the setting that occurred years ago. It's just that we have to be careful with trying to attempt this via dialogue. We don’t want characters to spout endless monologues about events that happened in the past. When that happens, it can be very boring and even confusing to the reader. Add some action to your dialoguePeople aren’t always just sitting or standing directly across from each other and speaking. We’re sometimes at work, in the middle of answering ringing phones, eating, cleaning, or taking care of a hyperactive pet. So, spice up the dialogue by directing the characters into a setting where they’re actively doing things! I hope those three suggestions come in handy as you're crafting/editing your novel!
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Is there anyone in your life who you consider a vicious enemy? If so, you understand what it feels like to be consistently attacked by a villain who has made your systematic destruction their sole focus. At first glance, this situation may sound more like the plot of a poorly-directed Lifetime movie than a page out of your life or the lives of anyone you know. But according to the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health, nearly half of all Americans are victimized by such an enemy. In this case, the enemy isn’t a person, it’s a condition that physically assaults victims by bombarding them with intense pain and related mental/emotional anguish. This enemy also steals the victim’s money, negatively affects their job performance, and distances them from the individuals they love most. The enemy referred to here is Chronic Illness, which is defined as a disease that requires ongoing medical attention for at least one year and often limits activities of daily living. Success in any sort of career becomes problematic when you find yourself battling an illness such as Crohn's disease, Lupus, Diabetes, Celiac, heart disease, or cancer. And if you are an artist whose career is dependent upon their creativity, there may be moments when you find yourself wondering if you have any hope of success. There is hope. Many have been able to reach their artistic/career goals while suffering from a debilitating illness. For example, Venus Williams, arguably one of the greatest tennis players of all time, is battling Sjögren’s syndrome, and award-winning actor/director Halle Berry suffers from Type 1 Diabetes. So, what about writers? How can someone with a chronic illness still write and publish work with consistency? While everyone’s situation is different, I can share three things that have helped me to write and publish nine novels while dealing with the unpleasant effects of Hashi-Graves Disease, Celiac Disease, and Type 1 Diabetes. GIVE YOURSELF DAYS OFFEvery day is a new chapter in the book that is your life. And that book is far more important than the one you're creating on your laptop. After all, we can't write anything if our personal story comes to an end. So, it's best to approach each real-life chapter with patience and focus, which means patiently focusing on taking life one day at a time. This approach acknowledges the fact that there will be 24-hour, 48-hour, or even 72-hour windows of time during which pain will not allow you to write a single word of your novel. And, that’s okay. The novel will get done later. But what’s most important during a flare up is that you give your body what it needs, which may include medication, vitamins, rest, and even forgiveness. Why forgiveness? Sometimes, we have this urge to punish ourselves for things that aren't really in our control. But we have to remember that chronic illness is not our fault. It might feel like it is, and it might feel like we've done something horribly wrong to make our body turn on us. That’s not what’s happening. With autoimmune disorders especially, what's happening is that our body is incredibly confused, and in this bewildered state, it's resorted to attacking itself. That’s why we might want to try and forgive our bodies for being so "lost." And when we do this, we're actually forgiving ourselves. That kind of forgiveness can be tantamount to removing a huge weight from our subconscious. Alright. So, the point? Here it is: When those debilitating flare ups occur, take your meds/vitamins and focus on resting. The work that you love will be right there waiting for you once you’re good and ready to return to it. USE YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH PAIN AS FODDER FOR YOUR WORK
Doing this would allow me to sit with my pain, explore it, and stop being afraid of it. That said, writing about my emotions in this way also helps to protect me from becoming too self-involved. How? Well, I’m not just focusing on me. Instead, I'm exercising my empathy by writing from the perspective of a person who is seemingly incredibly different from me. So, how does that example apply to being a writer who has a chronic illness? It boils down to the fact that being irreversibly sick upends your entire life, which can make you angry- and I mean very angry- because it’s as if an enemy has purposely stomped on your hopes, dreams and life-goals, ripping away the very aspects of existence that you love most. It’s cruel, and you have a right to be angry about your situation. But sitting with that kind of anger for too long can make a person bitter. And that's just no fun. Trust me, I've been there. So, what's the alternative to becoming bitter and hopeless? Release the anger, and let it go. And how do we do that? Well, first we have to accept and understand it. That requires the form of analysis that's known as therapy. And, as mentioned earlier, writing is one of the best and least expensive forms of therapy available. So, instead of keeping anger or deep emotions bottled up, write them away. DEPEND ON LOVED ONES
Probably not. A better option may be to reach out to people who have your best interests at heart, and ask for help. I know. Asking for help can be humiliating. Honestly, it’s one of the most difficult things in the world for me. But after you’ve shelled out every last cent of your savings to pay for medicine and to cover the cost of that one huge hospital bill, you may find yourself in a financial bind. When that happens, the stress of trying to figure out how to pay for the minimal essentials of modern life (food, rent, electricity) coupled with the fact that you’re too sick to get a second job can completely zap your creativity. I get it, I’ve been in that situation too many times to count. And when it's happened I’ve stressed, cursed the heavens, and been saddled with an excruciating case of writer’s block (which is bad when you literally write for a living). But here's something to think about: While I was all alone having a fit, people who cared about me were waiting in the wings, eager to help. They just needed to know that I was ready to accept their help. I had to learn (and I'm still learning) to stop letting my pride get in the way. The people who truly love you (and they’re out there! Trust me, they exist!) won’t look down on you when you ask for a few groceries or for someone to come help you with the household chores that you can’t handle due to a flare up. The reason they won’t mind doing these things for you is because love means wanting to support and assist the object of one’s affection, and until this person has helped their loved one, they feel incomplete. So, letting family and trusted friends help you get back on your feet is a way of showing appreciation to them for their willingness to assist. Have you ever given someone a gift and watched their eyes light up with happiness as they opened it? How did that make you feel? It's likely that the pleasant emotions you felt are similar to how our loved ones feel when we allow them to give us the support that we obviously need. It's not a handout or an act of pity- it's just how love works. But we have to let it work. Besides, once the flare up has passed and we're feeling a little better, we can do something super nice for the family/friends who came to our aid. Along those lines, it's also helpful to inform members of your writing team about your condition and some of the symptoms it can cause. For example, if you have a literary agent, s/he definitely needs to know that your schedule may be impacted by flare ups or difficult days. The same goes for editors, illustrators, and even long-term Critique Partners. Once these trusted writing partners understand your situation, they'll be able to support you as you work to complete your novel. I hope the three suggestions above were helpful, and if you have additional tips please feel free to share them in the comments section!
The opening words of a novel are a potential reader’s introduction to a world they can choose to enter or exit. Their decision usually depends on how connected they feel to the person they’re reading about, and the situation this person is facing. As writers, how do we make these elements of our story interesting enough to convince potential readers to enter the world we’ve imagined and hang in there for the duration of the novel? One key element is: theme. It’s easy to brush theme off as an aspect of storytelling that comes along later in a book. But some of the most memorable novels begin with action, descriptions, and dialogue that highlight the entire book’s theme. For example, Pride and Prejudice’s famous first line is, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” This opening sentence is witty and intriguing, and it highlights several main themes within Pride & Prejudice- themes that center around how social class, wealth, and gender relate to the business of marriage and to the magic of finding true love. The first line of the novel hints at all of this, and then guides the reader through a love story that expounds on the aforementioned themes. This is part of what makes Pride & Prejudice great, the book's major themes are consistently highlighted- from the opening sentence, to the final chapter. One of the reasons why this form of writing is so palatable to readers is because it establishes continuity and creates a pattern. Just as most of the songs that we find ourselves drawn to have melodies or refrains that, though played with various instruments and tweaked at pivotal moments, are essentially repeated throughout the song, most of the books that we're drawn to have a theme that's woven into every major plot point from beginning to end. Essentially, humans like patterns, because they're easy to understand. They just make sense. So, as writers, how do we apply all of this information about "themes" and "patterns" when we're constructing our opening chapters? Well, we take a moment to consider what’s at the heart of our manuscript - is the action centered around a battle of good and evil? Or, is centered around a thematic perspective like, 'No one is truly trustworthy,' or 'most people are good at heart'? We have to find the theme, or the heart of our story, and then allude to this theme in the opening chapter. All that said, if you’re on your first draft of your novel, it may be a good idea to avoid worrying about wording the opening chapter perfectly. This is because, when you’re on your first draft, your main concern is to enjoy writing the novel to completion; don’t worry about editing anything until the story is done. Once you’ve written the last word of the last chapter, then you can go back to Chapter One and begin editing. I mentioned Pride & Prejudice as an example of a novel with a great opening line. But, what about your favorite opening lines? Are there any novels you’ve recently read that have amazing first chapters? Or, have you written a book with a first chapter that you’re proud of? Please feel free to let me know in the comment section below, I’m always up for reading a new book! Cancel culture is often viewed as a modern form of societal ostracism that involves expressing disapproval of a person's actions or speech by kicking them out of desirable professional or social circles. Typically, celebrities and other well-known public figures become targets of "cancel culture." In recent years, some popular figures who've been affected by cancel culture include Ellen Degeneres, Justin Timberlake, Johnny Depp, JK Rowling, Kevin Spacey, Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, R Kelly, as well as Andrew and Mark Cuomo. A couple of the above individuals are even under investigation or behind bars for their behavior. But some members of the media are saying "cancel culture" has gotten out of control. They feel it puts unfair pressure on famous people and allows opportunistic individuals and organizations to lead modern-day witch hunts so as to sway public opinion for their own political or social climbing agendas. So, these days, cancel culture has supposedly become just as popular as the outspoken hatred of cancel culture. But, when you take a step back, you begin to notice something's odd about the entire scenario. First of all, who or what is the driving force behind cancel culture? Is it us? The masses? Nope. In most cases, it's the entertainment industry and the news media. For years, the two industries have worked together to label some public figures as "America's Sweethearts" and demonize others. Typically, there's some sort of political agenda behind each choice. And interestingly, both arenas have a history of discrimination against women and other cultural minorities, which are the very allegations that many targets of "cancel culture" face. That said, when the industries that supposedly hold power over public opinion "cancel" a person or organization, does the public fall in line? Not always. Remember when Chick fil A was "canceled" back in 2012? Even though thousands of people didn't agree with the CEO's extreme political and anti-LGBTQ views, because many among those thousands also enjoyed chicken and waffle fries, they kept going to the fast-food restaurant chain. Of course, some former customers did cut ties with the eatery, and as a result of its public shaming, Chick fil A tried to repair its damaged relationship with the LGBTQ community. That said, during the controversy, the restaurant chain's sales reportedly rose twelve percent to $4.6 billion. So, despite the media's attempts to "cancel" Chick Fil A, the public did not stop consuming the disgraced company's product. These days, Justin Timberlake and Armie Hammer are supposedly canceled. While it may be true that powerful cliques within the entertainment industry and news media have at least temporarily kicked the two celebrities out of their circles, has the public truly "canceled" these men? I don't think so. Regular people still listen to Justin Timberlake's music and watch movies featuring Armie Hammer. Is this because the masses don't care about the allegations of misogyny made against Timberlake and, in the case of Hammer, disturbing claims of emotional abuse and tendencies toward violence against women? Generally, people do care and they don't approve of this behavior. But, we're funny creatures. If a person we hate sells a product we like, we generally still buy their product. It reminds me of the "Soup Nazi" Seinfeld episode. The Soup Nazi was so cruel that he frightened nearly every single one of his customers, but because the soup he made was so good, his business continued to thrive. He remained popular because of his product. Similarly, Timberlake's music scratches a certain itch and Hammer's acting and good looks have arguably elevated a number of the movies he's appeared in.
So, even though a lot of people are grossed out by the alleged behavior of Timberlake and Hammer, a number of people still listen to Timberlake's music and watch movies Hammer was in. Similarly, while most people are disgusted by Harvey Weinstein, and he's been canceled by just about every powerful industry in the known world, the masses have not canceled the iconic movies Weinstein produced. It's all sadly ironic when you take a step back and really look at the whole mess. It seems the media created a climate that encouraged discrimination, sexual harassment, and misogyny, systematically "canceled" celebrities accused of engaging in discrimination, sexual harassment, and misogyny, and then began to complain about cancel culture itself. It's like the boy who cried wolf is the wolf.
The experience of watching an incredible movie is precious. The hard work that directors, actors, and production staff pour into bringing a story to life on the big screen deserves credit.
But over the years, as Hollywood delivers a steady stream of films, some producers fall into the habit of following a sort of screenwriting/directing-formula that they rely on to consistently bring in bigger audiences and bigger bucks. Hence, the predictable romcom that ends with one character running to an airport to finally declare their love to their one-and-only and the predictable action movie that includes at least two scenes of the male hero slowly walking away from an explosion without flinching. Even though those scenes show up in movie after movie, aren't they generally considered kind of "cheesy?" Yeah, and that's because long ago, they were new and exciting. But as time went on, the screenwriting/directing-formulas that once triggered positive emotions in movie-goers became so out-dated that they began to produce the opposite result; they lowered the value of the movie. These days, audiences roll their eyes at certain formulaic scenes or tropes that Hollywood insists on repeating. A few of my least favorite overused aspects of these formulas are below.
Montages of women trying on "comical" outfits in a store dressing room
Pretty Woman did this right and so did the slew of quirky 1990's romcoms that featured these scenes. But, after about 2002 it kind of stopped being funny. It also became kind of annoying to watch grown women acting like 10-year-olds while trying on dumb outfits for no real reason. Of course, I understand that it's taken a while for Hollywood to realize that women are adults the same way men are adults. You had your Scarlett O'Hara's who acted like petulant 7-year-olds versus their male counterparts, Rhett Butlers who were all-knowing and super adult. Those opposing depictions of male and female characters continued to appear in award-winning Hollywood films until about ten years ago. So, that makes it understandable that countless screenwriters would add those dressing-room scenes into movies about grown women who were supposed to be competent and intelligent professionals. It's just kind of time for it to stop.
Extremely dramatic, slow push-ins of George Clooney that are designed to remind audiences of his demi-god status
George Clooney is beautiful, yes. But he is also an actor portraying a character in a movie. We watch movies to escape reality, not to be constantly reminded that we are observing genetically blessed millonaires live out their dreams of stardom while we lead comparably sadder lives. The slow push-in of Clooney plucks us out of Hollywood magic and reminds us that we are mere mortals watching much more successful people parrot lines on expensive movie sets where they get to lounge in fancy trailers that are bigger than our hovel of an apartment for hours at a time, all for more money than we will see in our entire lives. And, no, I'm not projecting at all as I write this. I'm just being totally general. You know, anyone would feel like this. Ahem. The point is, please, Hollywood, stop with the slow push-ins of Clooney.
90 percent of the movie's female characters are consistently angry and repeatedly insult the film's "kind & reasonable" male characters
I assume this formula appears in a lot of movies due to the fact that a lot of movies are written by insecure men who have at one time in their lives felt rejected by a woman. Rejection sucks, I get that. But to use one's position of power in Hollywood to paint the average woman as an insensitive jerk is stupid. First of all, most of the women I know will only openly verbally attack a man in reaction to his abusing, sexually harassing, or assaulting her. Why? Well, even when unsavory characters approach us with demeaning pick up lines and we want to punch them in the face, we don't. Instead, we typically politely decline their advances because if we don't, that might mean getting attacked by an angry man. This is kind of dark, but statistics indicate that 1 in 6 US women will be raped annually in the US. and seeing as women are very aware of this danger and do not want to be that 1 in 6, they use a good amount of their daily lives figuring out ways to avoid being attacked or hurt by men. So, when movies present exaggerated caricatures of women (typically beautiful women) verbally slaying men who are kind to them, it's inaccurate and pretty darn annoying. Seeing this aspect of the formula for "bro-movies" is a sad reminder that there are still some very angry and insecure screenwriters out there who hope to cast women in a negative light.
Romanticizing issues like addiction, poverty, domestic abuse, and mental illness
Life can be pretty sucky and movies like Hillbilly Elegy, The Pursuit of Happyness, and Bruised powerfully address some of the most serious issues that a lot of us struggle with. On the other end of the spectrum are movies that lightheartedly feature these issues through rose-tinted glasses. Films like this not only come across as condescending, but some say they can also be pretty dangerous. Some critics feel movies that glorify certain struggles fail to expose the ultimate consequences of these issues. For example, The Wolf of Wall Street repeatedly showcases the euphoric highs that can accompany drug use, but the film falls short when it comes to realistically showing the often deadly consequences of untreated addiction.
So, this week's post was a little whinier than usual, I must admit. I think it's because this is the last day of 2021 and I'm beginning to look back and realize what a terrible year it's been. We thought COVID was gone, and then Delta popped up, followed by Omicron. The economy is obviously not getting any better, even though politicians keep pretending that it is. And, just a few hours ago, it was announced that Betty White died : (
So, I'm a little sad as I write this post and that's why it comes across as whiny. Thanks for suffering through it, if you read it. If you didn't read it, I can't blame you lol. And, who knows? Maybe by some fluke of a black hole, 2022 will be a better year. I don’t know if everyone is like this, but I feel like a river in the wild. On the surface, it’s just water. Ripples here and there, reacting to the wind and to the pebbles that are skipped across its surface. And in certain lighting from the sun, the water glows with a beauty that seems otherworldly. That’s all nice and normal. But beneath the surface an entire universe within a universe within a universe plays out. Tiny wars, huge losses, gambles, hopes, dreams, there’s an entire world within a million worlds hidden beneath a veneer of normalcy. I am not the kind of person who most people remember. I’m quiet, Black, and below average in most of the departments that make a person stand out. But beneath a bland surface, there are a million worlds, heavy with energy, unfurling and functioning in a sort of interdependent unity. And some of those worlds are emotions that I don’t quite understand or know what to do with. I just feel them creep into existence and all I can do is let them go. I think most people are like this and we all find different ways of dealing with those untamed emotional responses to trauma. Some of the "band-aids" we use are healthy and others, not so healthy. Generally, we prefer the simple "domesticated" feelings that were explained to us when we were children. "You are happy," "You are excited," "You are sad." Even those emotions can get hairy. But when trauma triggers the release of some nameless, wild feeling into our heart, we react as if we've come home to find a coyote in our living room. Scared and hoping to find some kind of peace, we seek out ways to release these raw emotions back into the wilds of our subconscious where they'll leave us be, except for the odd nightmare or two. For me, the "release" is either cooking or writing. On the occasions that I choose writing, even if I’m following an outline that has nothing to do with me or my reality, the main character almost always begins to struggle with whatever underlying emotions I’m trying to work through. This includes subconscious issues that I don't even know I'm battling. Somehow, these issues creep into the story without me even noticing.
For example, when I started writing the South Louisiana High Series, I just wanted to write about a mysterious superhero and how the super got their abilities. But it turned into so much more. And it wasn’t until after I went back and read the books that I noticed the entire 6-part series had an underlying theme of, "prejudice sucks." That was completely unintentional, and it made me realize how deeply my own experiences with prejudice have affected me. After I'd taken a beat and separated myself from the work, I was able to read it with fresh eyes and see that I’m incredibly sensitive to prejudice of any kind, and that it comes from years of pretending that remarks about my skin color didn’t bother me. While writing about the feelings I’d tried to hide for long was therapeutic, reading about it was painful because it forced me to see how traumatized and messy I really am. That said, I’m grateful for writing as therapy, because I want to see myself as I really am. Even if that means accepting the fact that I'm pretty broken. I've also come to realize that one of the beautiful things about writing is that it allows readers to truly see their favorite authors, from the inside out. Well, that's all for now. If you're reading this, **big hug** because who doesn't need a hug these days? And thanks for stopping by : ) This piece is also available to read on the following website: Highly Sensitive Refuge At an early age, most of us are taught that diversity contributes to life’s beauty. As children, we may have had parents or teachers who would point to a garden featuring a variety of flowers and explain that each plant’s unique appearance and qualities add to the overall perfection of the garden. So, from childhood, diversity is presented as a positive aspect of life.
Pleasant as this concept may be, is it a belief that our culture truly values? A 2019 study from The U.S. National Library of Medicine and National Institutes for Health found that among 40 million U.S. workers, on-the-job discrimination ranged from a high of 25% for black women to a low of 11% for white men. Those numbers illustrate a disheartening fact in America’s working world: some of the most unrepresented individuals in the workforce -the ones who are considered “diverse”- experience the most discrimination. Like the women who participated in that survey, I’m African American, but as an INFP I’m also a highly sensitive person (HSP), and for most of my life I’ve felt as though I had no community, no “people” to lean on for support or understanding. Of course, it isn’t surprising to hear an HSP express feelings of loneliness that find their root in the way they’ve been treated. Many HSP relate experiences of family members and friends making it known that when one has a tendency to be quietly observant, this is a flaw that should be swapped out with more extroverted behavior. Being “different” is a struggle. However, when an HSP happens to be a person of color (POC), they likely experience not only the previously mentioned loneliness, but social rejection based on the color of their skin as well as familial rejection due to falling short of cultural/ethnic standards related to social interactions. Rejection hits an HSP with the force of a knife-wound. Our sensitive nature often turns even small criticisms into gaping flaws that we become anxious to fix. But when the rejection is based on something an HSP can’t change -such as their ethnicity- they’re left with a deep sense of hopelessness, feeling as though no matter what they do, they’ll never be “acceptable.” I remember feeling this way when, due to my love of cinema and budding desire to become a filmmaker, I decided to begin collaborating with local wedding videographers in my hometown of Louisiana. I hoped the experience of working behind a camera at an event like a wedding would build my courage and skill as a camerawoman and eventually a director. So, a family member who works in the film and entertainment industry was kind enough to put me in touch with a local videographer who agreed that I could spend the day with him and his crew while they shot an out-of-town wedding. Overflowing with anticipation, on the day of the wedding I met up with the videographer so we could take a two or three hour-long road trip to the venue as well as to the secondary location where we’d meet up with his other crew members. It was a great trip. He was an amazing conversationalist, and though I can be very quiet, I felt comfortable talking to someone as animated and funny as he was. Our conversation covered just about everything under the sun for the first leg of our trip, and when we stopped to get lunch, he looked at me and said something I’ll never forget. This very nice man who seemed to say whatever popped into his mind, turned to me with a huge grin and said, “This has been great! I can’t believe I’m having a conversation with a Black woman!” I smiled and faked a laugh, because what else does one do when one is reminded that they’re not the sort of person anyone would typically choose to talk to or hang out with. When he said that, my heart plummeted. I honestly hadn't even thought about the fact that he was white and I was black. I was just enjoying myself with a person. But that comment of his, which was said in innocence, taught me a terrible lesson. From that moment on, I believed that when people saw me, they didn't see me, they only saw the color of my skin. HIs innocent remark taught me that I’m not really a person to people who don’t look like me, I am a stereotype. For the rest of the day, I tried not to let my feelings turn into some hovering dark cloud. But I did continue thinking about the deeper meaning behind his words. And as I, in typical HSP fashion, overanalyzed the entire concept, I was hit with a right hook to the heart that resulted in a painful realization- my social life, the way I was treated at work, the way acquaintances and friends interacted with me, it all began to make sense. t That day I realized that the “problem” with me extended far beyond my shy nature, the real problem was that I looked like a person who wasn’t supposed to be shy. I was supposed to be loud, instead of reticent, because aren’t all black women loud? And, I was supposed to be “strong,” instead of indecisive and mild, because aren’t all black women strong? I didn’t make sense to people, because I didn’t “act like my race.” So, after that incident, I felt like some kind of freak of nature and I started hating the fact that I was drawn to hobbies and entertainment that seemed out of harmony with what a stereotypical black woman was supposed to enjoy. For a long time, I felt stuck, and hopelessly weird. Those feelings, however, were shaped by a world culture that punishes diversity instead of encouraging it. Thankfully, my perspective shifted after learning about what it means to be a HSP and then speaking with other HSP POC. The education and exchanges with people who similar to me, finally allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief. I gradually began to understand that there was nothing wrong with me. Instead, I began to see that there was something very wrong with our current world culture. It was based on a system that created racial stereotypes for the purpose of dehumanizing members of certain ethnicities. In speaking with other HSP POC, I’ve also learned that despite feeling lonely for so long, nearly all of us have struggled with low self-esteem and intense feelings of worthlessness due to living with prejudice, which I believe is a form of abuse. As with any abuse, it takes years to recover from the scars that racism and prejudice cause. But I can say, I feel lighter now, happier. And, as I continue to heal, I’ve learned to cherish three practices that are helping me along the path to self-acceptance. They are:
Reconnecting with one’s self is a simple yet effective technique. It involves taking a few minutes to write three lists. I write a list of the things I absolutely love to do, a list of my talents, and finally a list of my goals. After incidents of prejudice/discrimination occur on the job or in every day life, I find that taking a moment to reflect on who I am, and what I have to contribute to our word helps to rebuild my confidence. A second form of assistance that’s crucial to healthy self-esteem is finding like-minded people. I’ve used Facebook Groups, meetup.com, and even my local library to get in touch with other writers, INFP’s, and filmmakers to chat with. The interactions are refreshing and I find I can be myself around gentle souls who share my interests and value me as an individual. A third, and form of assistance I took advantage of and benefited from was therapy. I worked with a psychologist to rebuild my self-esteem. Experiencing prolonged prejudice and racism, especially as an HSP, is detrimental to one’s emotional well-being and I firmly believe anyone who's been exposed to such abuse would benefit from the assistance of an experienced psychologist. So, while navigating an extroverted world as a HSP, one often battles feelings of loneliness, and these feelings are exacerbated when an HSP frequently experiences racial prejudice. But the truth is that none of us are alone. We have a global community of kind and empathetic HSP who will readily support their fellow quiet folk. It’s up to each of us to reach out and make connections and this can be daunting. But when we do, our journey through this world stops feeling like a solitary trek of wrong turns, and becomes an enjoyable adventure that unfolds alongside a supportive group of companions. |